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The Greatest Gift of All |
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Dec 22, 2008 - 2:22 PM - by Thunderchunk
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My family tends to treat holidays as contests. The typical traditions just aren't good enough for us. Thus, to make these special days even more special, we like to either escalate usual customs to ludicrous levels or invent our own. Well, Christmas time is here, and that means it is time for me to reminisce about our absurd gift giving traditions. It is important as you read this to keep in mind that, since I grew up with this stuff, as far as I knew it is what everybody did. That led to some really fun misunderstandings further down the line.
First, one of my brothers frequently angered the folks. They thus decided to resurrect the largely obsolete concept of the anti-gift. Tradition calls for coal, so they tried that first. Unfortunately, the people who come up with anti-gifts often underestimate the imaginations of kids. Coal + Transformers = Super Awesome Alien Wasteland Playset! Not only did it fail to illustrate the displeasure of the caregivers, it also revealed... [Read More]
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0 Replies | 6 Views
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Blessed Stupidity |
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Dec 19, 2008 - 10:01 AM - by Thunderchunk
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I've spent a lot of time in school. That doesn't mean that I'm smart, but it means people tried to teach me things for many years. Unfortunately for me, some of that education stuck. Now, you may think, "But Thunderchunk, isn't it good to be smart?" The answer, I'm afraid, is no, as I shall explain below. Do your best not to actually learn anything from it, for your own good.
The first really worthwhile trait of stupidity is its tendency to make the world strange and wonderful. You and I might watch decoded digital signals on our TVs, but the truly ignorant get live performances from tiny little people. For smart people, the Internet is a treacherous obstacle course of misinformation and biased opinions. While an invaluable tool, any information attained there must be carefully considered before it can be truly believed. For the profoundly dim, the net is a magical place that actually makes things true! Want to believe that dinosaurs never died out, they merely turned... [Read More]
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0 Replies | 17 Views
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Dec 11, 2008 - 3:38 PM - by Thunderchunk
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0 Replies | 25 Views
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Deadbaby Flamebait: DEAD BABIES! |
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Dec 10, 2008 - 4:47 PM - by Thunderchunk
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Well, I said I'd do it, and here it is. If you have a dead baby, or have a baby that died, or ARE a dead baby, you might be bothered by the subject of this Deadbaby Flamebait entry, which is dead babies. If you have an emotional sensitivity to dead babies, or dead baby humor, then I emplore you to stop reading this dead baby article, and find a non-dead baby article. If you are still reading, I'd like to talk to you about dead babies. Believe it or not, my friends and I discuss dead babies quite frequently. Typically, when we are seeking a “think outside the box” solution to something, dead babies tend to find their way into the equation. This isn't a new or original thing, I realize. Jonathan Swift, noted satirist and author of Gulliver's Travels, wrote a book called A Modest Proposal. The subject? Dead Babies. He posited that we had the twin problems of over population and world hunger, and that there was a simple solution. Eat babies. Now, moral considerations aside (you'll find I... [Read More]
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0 Replies | 24 Views
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Deadbaby Flamebait: Alzheimer's Disease |
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Dec 04, 2008 - 11:41 AM - by Thunderchunk
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I am Irish and Italian. That means, among other things, that while other people eat fatty foods and binge drink to deal with stressful problems, for me it is a celebration of cultural heritage. That means that I have to find some other way to deal with life's problems. I tend to poke fun at it. At everything. Nothing is off limits. Man trampled to death. Hilarious! House goes on fire? A laugh riot! This has led to a number of unusual side effects. First, when I complain about things that are genuinely of concern, people laugh. Second, when I joke about things in a way I consider to be absurd and just for laughs, I am taken seriously. Evidently my friends and family don't think I could seriously be worried about a toenail dropping off and having a bloody sock every night, but every oblique reference to suicidal tendencies is deadly serious. Probably that's a sane attitude on their part, but I'm hardly in any position to decide what is and is not sane at this point. At any rate, I've... [Read More]
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0 Replies | 34 Views
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